A Conversation With Brad
An explorative conversation I had with my protective ego (sub persona), Brad, last week, trying to understand what his beliefs in engaging the world are. I typed it up from my journal. While it covers little new ground to me, it was a good exercise in letting him speak.
Me: Why don’t you take risks in connecting with people?
Brad: I can’t make a mistake. So, no risk, no mistakes.
Me: Are they mistakes?
Brad: Something goes wrong. I do the wrong thing.
Me: Based on your standard?
Brad: Based on theirs.
Me: …which you don’t know. Can’t know.
Brad: Right. So things go wrong.
Me: But they aren’t mistakes, they are things the other party doesn’t like, right?
Brad: Right. I’m not trying to hurt you! I’m not allowed to hurt you.
Me: So when you’re in an uptight situation…
Brad: …and the expectations are changed on me and keep changing, it becomes harder and harder to be me and not make a mistake; cause a problem
Me: Because you have to protect / be you - you can’t surrender you but you also cannot please the other parties whose rules you are playing by?
Brad: Yes. If I withdraw; if I withhold engagement, then there’s less / no risk of mistakes, things going wrong.
Me: But when you’re in a situation and the expectations change and it gets worse and worse, what’s the threat to you?
Brad: I am trapped in a corner and any movement to escape is driven by the fundamental need to protect myself.