It doesn't have to make sense
Conclusions and insights, they absolutely follow a string of events, a string of thoughts, but that string of thoughts doesn’t have to be logically cohesive, doesn’t have to go from grounded start to grounded stepping stone, doesn’t have to be defensible, explainable, or logically sound, be retraceable or repeatable.
You are where you got to. You probably can’t go back or recall. You don’t have to log every branch to return and explore. You can get through the labyrinth, assuredly, with Ariadne’s string. You can get through by always turning left (or always turning right). But you can also get through by walking around. Chance comes into play. Is there a rush such that you need to be efficient? Is there a compelling reason that you have to guarantee your escape, through retreat or algorithm?
If you insist on “prove it to me”; if you insist on being sure of yourself each step; if you’re only willing to suspend your disbelief until, finally, it all comes together and the explanation can be seen, you’re only going to get places that are safe without any risk of being… well, you might call it wrong, but I’m coming to realize you won’t get any place that’s new. You’ll dismiss entire realms of possibilities and existence because you insist on things making sense.
Following on Cheryl’s post below, I just went on a journey with my sub-personalities to explore why people lined up before the store opens to buy Pokemon cards bothers me.
Until now, I’ve caught myself with the simple “it really shouldn’t bother you, Dennis” and done my best to let go. I know it shouldn’t bother me, so I’ve practiced not letting it bother me. Less judgement, but still judgement. Better than nothing. But Cheryl’s advising to do better than that, and it’s a practice I’ve done with other more burning topics in my direct life that need attention. That I’ve gotten better at letting go of frustrations with Pokemon buyers or slow drivers, I haven’t tried to “know what I hate and why” about them. Who knows? Maybe some of my higher priority problems can be resolved or revealed by investigating my reactions to the Pokemonteurs.
It doesn’t have to make sense.
I can’t and won’t try to relate the steps I went through over some fifteen minutes of meditative contemplation. What’s neat is that I started with the focus on the Pokemon problem and ended with an insight - made it through the labyrinth - but the journey went lots of places, including a shocking comment by my problem-solving sub personality Darla, who said out of nowhere “I’m not here to protect you; you’re now here to protect me,” which was accompanied by some light and delight. Protect or help (elevate), it was a significant change in perspective. Huzzah!
But before that, I asked Brad, my protective ego, if he had any insight. I waited. “School”. Was he able or willing to expand? No? Anyone else? I think Darla: I couldn’t fit in. Wouldn’t allow myself to fit in. But there were groups of friends in school. Cliques. Which has a (deservedly) bad connotation. I wasn’t in them. I didn’t know how. I was driven to school 15 miles away from my neighborhood. I wasn’t worthy. I was stand on my own rugged. But there were genuine groups of friends. I wasn’t in them. And the Pokemonteurs are a group of friends. (I have to assume) they do enjoy meeting up Friday mornings, standing in the cold. Waiting in the coffee shop. Talking, laughing, messaging; letting each other know the chase is on.
I envy them their friendship and willingness, ability, and delight at being part of something. Maybe I can let down my guard and trust and do the same. Good for them.
Wow. There are some important insights there. Nice job! You should feel great about the hard work you've done and where it's taking you. I'm glad that what I shared helped in some way. I like helping people who are willing to be helped. Thank you for sharing this (and my post with others).